well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
