I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
