I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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