Do you still have your period?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
