i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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