i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
