What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
