If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
