Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
