I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
