You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
