I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize