In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You smell like stripper and shame
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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