if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
