i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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