Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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