I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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