I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
