U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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