I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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