Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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