Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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