I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
