I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
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i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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