When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
