just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
