Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
