just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
