I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
