Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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