people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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