Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
