How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
