Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
