STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
