duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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