She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
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I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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