she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
