woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
