Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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