I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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