i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
