i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
