fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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