I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
