i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He better not be in your backpack
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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