Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
