so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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