Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
