Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
