No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
