he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
