You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize