I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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