But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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