They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
