Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
