I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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