Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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